I wish my penis had an off switch
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
