i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
