My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize