I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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