I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
