On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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