ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
