I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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