He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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