so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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