Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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