Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
