there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
