you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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