May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize