Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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