well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
