i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
