i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
