dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
