I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
