took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
