I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
