Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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