I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
