there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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