forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
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