The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
