I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
