it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
