I will die if light touches me.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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