the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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