do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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