I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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