you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize