So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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