I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
