I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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