I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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