is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
