I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize