I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
