How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
