You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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