Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
