I CAN MOONWALK!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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