his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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