I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
