I'd wear matching sweaters with you
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
