I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
