Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
