i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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