my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
bring money and cleavage
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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