My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
