Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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