May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
