I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
