Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Holy sore nipples Batman
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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