D3 body, D1 cock
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
