watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
