i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
