well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
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