1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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