Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
