How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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