my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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