never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
