oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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