I hope mine doesn't look like that
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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