He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
