but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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