Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
