i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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