I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
