you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
