so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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