Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Randomize
