Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
