her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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