The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
