it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize