How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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