She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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