The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
