Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
