Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
