U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
