Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
organizing the empties. That sober.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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