Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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