Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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