Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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