The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He? As in you personified your dick?
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