shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
