No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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